The latest episode of MTV's True LIfe is "I'm Polyamorous."  It follows two young threesomes exploring polyamory.  Each explores adding a fourth during the course of the filming - with short term success but not long term stability.  One is a FFM group in NYC which might add a second man, while the other is a gay male threesome in North Carolina.

The positive thing is that there is a serious attempt to see how such a constellation can explore the dynamics of relationships, established and new.  It shows polyamory as not impossible. 

The negative side is that the people seem rather shallow, with no life outside the drama of coupling and partying.  Do these people have lives beyond this?  Other than that one of the women in NYC does some teaching about relationships, there is no evidence.  My understanding is that there was material filmed about their other interests, but it was not included by MTV.  The show is marketed to teens, and it was assumed, perhaps, that they would not be interested in more adult lives. 

Relationships do not exist in a vacuum.  I know one of the NYC women and she is a thoughtful and brilliant attorney, fighting for the legal rights of people whose family structures and/or styles of loving do not fit into conventional paradigms.

The show does show polyamory as a real alternative to young people who may never have seen it in that way before, but it could have been so much more!

Went to the Ravayah(kind of a Havdalah/Melaveh Malkah, from"Kosi Ravayah"(My cup runnith over)) from Romemu last night.  OE and DCE were there, doing a Judaism/sexuality workshop this weekend.  I know that Reb Z had suggested that O connect with me via email.  He wasn't sure why, but it was clear to me it was about the Jewish poly connection.  I had responded to his email, but it had not gone further.

I spoke with him briefly after havdalah to follow up, but he was rushing to do something else.  A few minutes later I spoke briefly with D and she invited me to sit and talk a little, even though she was clearly with an old friend with whom she was reconnecting.  When I mentioned the Reb Z suggestion, she immediately understood it was about poly.  We spoke about our mutual frustration with Aleph and it's resistance to poly or other variations of sexuality, though we both acknowledge that it was a reaction to the bad behavior of some teachers in the past.  She was surprised to hear that "Ahavaraba", the Jewish poly email list, was started after a poly affinity group at the Aleph Kallah ten years ago, though there had been resistance to any public attempt to facilitate connection among poly folks at more recent kallot.  She said, about the earlier group, "That's the kind of Jewish renewal I was looking for."

It certainly made it worthwhile to have gone in to Manhattan for the evening.

I met C at an anti-war demo in the early '80s.  We had a long distance relationship for more than a dozen years.  We saw each other only once in a while, especially after she moved out of the country (really long distance), but the relationship was important to me, and I think to her.

We stopped being lovers when she met the man who became her husband and made a commitment to monogamy, though we remained friends.  I haven't actually seen her in 9 years, but she was traveling within striking distance of where I live, so I drove an hour and a half each way to have lunch with her and her children.

It was really wonderful to see her, warm and comfortable, and great to catch up.  We talked about lots of things, but other matters were not broached, from my point of view because we were sitting with her children.  (This does not include resuming our sexual connection, since I have no interest in doing anything to harm her relationship with her husband, in case you were wondering)

Just sharing how a poly mind set helps me to remain friends with former lovers.

I was at a retreat of The Body Sacred again this past weekend.  Most of what I could say about this experience I said about the retreat last May, especially what I said about the men and women who attend.

I still am not very good at making the first move, reaching out in any kind of intimate circumstance, plus I would love to get closer to almost every woman there.  I'm happy I get to see many of them periodically.

On top of that, I came down with a cold half way through the retreat, so I was conscious of not wanting to pass on my virus to the people I love.

I won't be able to go to the summer level II retreat in July/August because it coincides with Tisha B'Av, and the energies of the two are just totally opposite.  Also, we are feeling broke.  It will be a stretch to make it to the Aleph Kallah this summer, where I will be doing some leadership and hope to convene a poly/sacred sexuality affinity group.

Speaking of a poly movement, I was not able to stay but after the conference (see previous post), on Sunday evening and Monday, there was the second Poly Leadership Summit, a chance for various people to talk about how to raise the profile and legitimacy of polyamory as one of the choices   Though I was not there, I have heard good and encouraging reports.

Last weekend was the Poly Living Conference outside of Philadelphia.  It was a lot of fun, with wonderful people to hang out with, as well as being edifying.   As advertised, I led a Kabbalat Shabbat service and veggie pot luck on Friday before the official opening program.  Also as usual, a lot more people would have attended if they had realized it was happening (They told me so).  I'm not sure what else I can do to solve this problem.  Robyn put it not only in the printed program but in the schedule available on the website a month before the conference.  We had a few people when we started.  A few more came in during the service, and a few more came by in time to eat something.  Nevertheless it met my needs and those of some other people.

My workshop on Sunday morning was also small, but with enthusiastic participants.  It was on religious and spiritual issues with polyamory.  It would have benefitted from a co-participant who came from the Christian tradition, though a lot of that came from the participants.

The opening session was highlighted by a short but enthusiastic keynote by Cunning Minx from the Polyamory Weekly podcast.  She has made it available here for those who were not able to attend.  If you browse back you will see she was also blogging from the conference.

I seem to have attended the more intellectual workshops, rather than the experiential ones.  Just where I was at at the time.  The whole schedule can be seen here.  Saturday morning I began with Ageless Sex^TM: Secrets of Great Sex at Any Age.  It had a lot of good information for those of us who are no longer spring chickens, though she could have been more organized - partly a reflection of having a good time the night before.  Then I went to a workshop about people doing scholarship on polyamory. 

After lunch my first workshop was Poly 101 for Counselors, Therapists and Life Coaches.  Though I'm not generally doing this work actively at this time, and I found the exploration interesting.  This workshop and the previous one prompted my desire to do some research on how people with more than one partner are treated in health care facilities.  I'm not sure when I will have an opportunity to actually do the work.

My second afternoon workshop was Poly weddings? The Legal Impact of Same Sex Marriage Decisions on your Poly Family.  This was also a wider exploration of legal issues affecting polys, but one particular interesting discussion was whether the push for same sex marriage was good or bad for polys.  In some ways it is good because it broadens the definition of legal relationships, but it also tends to define normative as the monogamous pair bond.  It seems to have become the only issue for the LGBT movement.  One problem, which the presenter and I agree, is the use of the word "marriage" in both a civil and a religious context so conservative religious people see a change in civil marriage as forcing a change in the religious institution.  They are not nearly so intertwined in many other countries.  I am a big fan of Diana, the presenter.  In fact I have a big crush on her (I have this thing for really sharp and intelligent women) but she sees me as her sweet uncle, so I am stuck with that level of connection.

Sunday morning after my workshop I went to Poly Survival Kit.  It was a second presentation I attended by Robert McGarey.  He is very thoughtful on how poly relationships can work and not work.

There were also various social activities on Friday and Saturday nights.  Though there was a real sense of relaxed interaction, it was more a sensual connection than overly sexual, at least where I was.  I can't vouch for the experience of anyone else. :-)

I had a great time, met old and new friends, and was able to be part of the movement to make polyamory a legitimate alternative in our world.

I expect to be leading a workshop at Poly Living Conference later this winter in Philly on polyamory in a spiritual/religious context, as well as a Kabbalat Shabbat/Entering Sacred Time ritual and veggie pot luck before the official opening of the conference on Friday night. 

I hope some of you can join me.

February 27th through March 1st, 2009 • •
• •Fort Washington Hotel • Phil., PA • •
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• Creating Intimacy	• Polyamory 101 & 201
• Being single & Poly	• Rebuilding broken trust
• Secondary's survival skills	• Legal issues for Polys
• Exploring other Relationship	• Creative Flirting and more Alternatives

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Evenings at Poly Living take on a more social feel, with surprises in store for everyone. We'll have several groups organized for dinner at different restaurants on Saturday evening. And there is always the hotel's restaurant and bar, or many types of entertainment that the city offers.

But best of all, when the conference is over, you'll not only go home with new tools to help you in your poly lifestyle, you'll have made new friends and relationships to carry throughout the coming years.

We have partial scholarships available and discount for work exchange volunteers.

$45 Cancellation Fee - No Refunds After January 15, 2009

Loving More Members receive 10% discount

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with thanks to leswamp

Last night I went to the Boogie with my daughter.  I was glad to see my lover A and give her her birthday present, kiss her and dance with her, and plan to get together soon.

I also saw L whom I've gotten to know better recently, both here and in poly circles.  In properly greeting her, between kisses, she said "Full disclosure.  I'm now I's sweety."  I is an ex of P, my primary partner.  Oh what a web we weave!  :-)

I attended a Jewish Men's Retreat this weekend.  I offered at the last minute to do a playshop on "Monogamy, Polyamory, and Honesty in Relationships," but the leaders thought it was not playful enough.  Still I got to mention it in conversations and in my mishpacha (family) group.  It turned out there was interest or relevance for several men, either in their own lives or their family, so got to talk with several people seriously about polyamory.

Can't go into more detail because of confidentiality issues.